THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
