Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
