Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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