the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There r osticjed everywhere
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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