shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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