Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
