Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
