you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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