I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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