After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
