I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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