Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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