You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
