Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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