So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize