i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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