I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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