party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
