life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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