Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
