Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
