someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
