how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
