y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So vagazzling was a success
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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