I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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