My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
