I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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