Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize