I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
