So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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