I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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