and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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