New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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