Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
