it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
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Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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