If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
