so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She bit a glass in half.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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