seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
