i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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