Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize