when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
