You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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