i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
