Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
