i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
