The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
