Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize