her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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