I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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