Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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