so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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