This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
