I puked a lego.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So vagazzling was a success
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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