She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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