Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
