I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
