Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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