just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
